DISCLAIMER; Talking about anxiety and depression in some aspects, please skip if this can be triggering, please x
Hey everyone, I hope your all doing well and having a lovely day,
Today I back with a more serious blog post today and this is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while and this has been in my drafts for at least a month now. I am not posting this for attention or pity, I am purely posting this to share my mental health story and for me to look at in a few years and remember how far I have come, I would also like this to help you in some way, maybe that is knowing you are not alone, remember your not and I’m always available if you’d like any support, I’m not a professional but I understand, my Twitter is … if you’d like to get in touch. I’m hoping this isn’t to long.
let’s just get straight into it, I hope you enjoy this of some sort and if you’d like more mental health blogs, comment down below and like this post and follow this blog!
So, to start of if you didn’t already know, I am an 18 year old female who is currently studying forensic psychology at university and I am currently suffering from Anxiety and slight depression. To give you a-bit of background, I’ve always been a shy person especially when I moved in to high school and I never thought anything of it until I couldn’t do anything without having really bad anxiety and panic attack’s, presenting presentations were always the worst and I would try anything to get over them.
From around 2014, I developed anxiety and at around 2016 I was diagnosed. I’ve been in a lot of toxic relationships and a lot of family situations have occurred which I don’t really want to dwell on too much but they all occurred in the same time period around 2015 and that is when I started to feel depressed and never wanted to leave the house and just wanted to be alone. I remember one day a few years ago I just snapped and I just wanted to be happy so I started to wear more colourful clothing and take more time to get ready in the morning and I saw a massive improvement in my mood from then, but once again, I got in to the most toxic relationship I think I’ve ever been in and that made my depression so much worse and she was also my best friend so after the relationship ended, we carried on being friends which was probably the worst decision I ever made, I obviously still had feelings for her but she just pretended nothing happened and then got a new girlfriend which was really shit until I got with my current boyfriend who took me away from it all and it made me feel so much more free and I felt like I had the chance to be happy thanks to him. From a year ago, I don’t think my depression isn’t as bad as it was but I do relapse quite a bit and some days I do really struggle to stay strong which is probably the main reason I started my blog, it helps me to write things down in a form someone will read and I find it so freeing!!!
I tried multiple treatments for my depression, the first thing I did was I went to visit my local GP and he gave me antidepressants which wasn’t really what I wanted because I’ve always thought that tablets won’t work and that they will just mess with my body, I think I took them for around a week and I had really bad side effects, I was throwing up, I was suicidal so I decided to come off them. In sixth form, I was also given the option to have some counselling which lasted around two months and on the day it helped but then I would leave and other things would happen so it would just go in a continuous circle. After this I decided that I would try and deal with my depression myself by doing meditation whenever I was sad and I tried new activities just to keep my mind preoccupied and I also decided to apply for university, to have a fresh start and to get away from the town where everything had happened which helped for a while.
So back to my anxiety, I would have panic attacks whenever I had to do things alone or had to work in groups because this just scared me so much. There wasn’t much I thought I could do about my anxiety so whenever I got anxious, I would write it down in a notebook and used it as a mechanism to let it go whenever I was writing it down and that helped for a while, I also got an app called “calm” where I could do meditation focusing on anxiety and this helped quite a bit. When I got to university, I think I was the most anxious I think I’ve ever been, I would have anxiety attacks whenever I had to go to lectures and me and my boyfriend broke up for 2 weeks which made my anxiety feel so much worse, I just felt alone in a place of 1,000 people and I honestly didn’t want to stay at university anymore. I eventually got bored of staying in my room all the time so I met these 2 girls on my course (who are now two of my closest friends) and went to flat parties which them and just went out of my comfort zone and I am so glad I did, I’ve met so many amazing people from them flat parties and I’m so proud of myself for actually going out and meeting new people and I wouldn’t change anything about university and it has probably been the best decision I’ve ever made for myself yet.
I do relapse quite a lot with both my anxiety and my depression, the other night I had such bad anxiety I can’t even remember what even happened, and I hate it. I am also going through self confidence issues quite a lot where I don’t even want to eat because I feel like I’m fat which is increasing my depression quite a lot. This is my mental health story so far, if you are suffering with something similar, just remember that you are not alone and if you need anyone to talk to, you can always message me or the mental health helplines. Link to the helplines here. I hope you found this somewhat helpful and leave any comments down below if your suffering from any mental health issues and what you do to make yourself happy!!
I would love each and everyone one of you to interact with me in the comments, ill comment back as soon as I can (I promise!!) Please comment any blog posts you would be interested in seeing and I will make sure to post them (I would really appropriate your feedback) If you have any questions or suggestions or would simply like to get in touch, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org and I aim to email back within 24 hours!! Thank you for reading my first blog post I hope it gave you an insight into who I am and I will be back on Wednesday evening at 6 GMT for another post…
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