A Journey to Accepting and Growing to Love Myself (Eating Disorder Story)

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU FIND TALKING AND READING ABOUT EATING AND EATING DISORDERS OR ANY FORM OF MENTAL HEALTH WHICH WILL BE MENTIONED IN THIS POST (ANXIETY & DEPRESSION) UNCOMFORTABLE AND FIND THIS TRIGGERING; PLEASE CLICK OFF THIS POST, THANK YOU X

So, This is definitely something I haven’t fully achieved as of yet but I am on that journey to accepting myself for who I am and in turn growing to love myself, it almost seems impossible when I’m wring this but it is definitely something I want to achieve in the near future. I felt that writing this post can be quite eye opening to quite a lot of people and sometimes, when I’m feeling low, I need someone to talk to but I thought, if you are someone who is feeling low, you could read this and understand that you are not alone. I don’t really know where this is going to go but I guess you’ve come for the ride, lets just see.

A bit of background, if you don’t know me and this is the first post you’ve stumbled across, I’m 19, I have history of having depression and self harm which I have overcome but some days I suffer with relapse, I have social anxiety which is something a lot of people can relate to, it helps quite a lot knowing I’m not alone. Over the past year or so, I’ve had a really hard time with Body Dysmorphic disorder and I feel like it has swallowed up my life. This is quite a long story which I have mentioned in a previous post if you’d like to check that out after this read, Body Dysmorthic Disorder; my weight loss journey. Long story short, in March, I had this realisation that I had been putting on some weight and I wanted to change my lifestyle to a more fit and healthier one but I rushed it and I suffered with Bulimia for a short period of time and I also became obsessed with losing weight and would constantly check to see if there was a noticeable change in my weight, this would consist of checking the mirror 10 times a day which I still currently do, for as long as I can remember, I haven’t felt comfortable in my own skin.

I’ve noticed a lot only recently how many people, of all ages and genders who actually suffer with some sort of a mental illness and that is really shocking for me to read and in today’s society, there are LOADS of contributing affects to mental health such as social media as it is so full with negativity and expectations that everyone feels they need to achieve when in reality, we don’t. I’m not going to ramble to much about social media as it will be something I’ll talk about in a further post if your interested. Myself and A LOT of other people suffer from self-esteem issues which I feel has grown dramatically in this day of age which is also closely related to social media. I wish, one day, the wide world of social media is replaces with love and everyone learns self-love because everyone deserves it, don’t they?

Why do so many people judge themselves by the way they look? Is it because they don’t see their real beauty for themselves or is because they don’t feel as if it will be accepted by the people around us? Why is it we try so hard to fit in, why do we feel outcasted? we’re no different to anyone else and I wish we could all just accept ourselves and give ourselves some self-love every once in a while.

I and many others tend to compare ourselves to other people, why do we do that? I can’t count the amount of times I’ve strolled through my insta feed and saw so many influencers who dress and look better than I do and have a higher social following and then I will go to my insta and compare it but why? Everyone is completely different and I’d much rather be myself than copy someone else so stop comparing yourself to others, maybe use those influencers as motivation for your images but never think yourself of any less. I did a cheeky poll on my Twitter to actually see how many people compare themselves to others and a massive 80% of people compare themselves to others on a daily basis.

Recognise your accomplishment’s and write them down, even if their not accomplishments to others. The other week I only looked in the mirror once and that was to look at my outfit and even if that was just for one day, I didn’t feel self-conscious and that’s one step ahead to accepting yourself. Even though something you’ve achieved may not be seen as an accomplishment to others, it is to you so be proud and use these as motivation in the future the push yourself.

So many people who I’ve spoken to have talked to me about experiencing negative thoughts but kick them in the ass and think positive, it’s much easier said than done but this will 100% boost your mood and will help in accepting yourself. So for example, on an every day basis I tend to ask myself ‘Am I skinny enough’ ‘Will I ever be as skinny as them’ these are not going to help to accept yourself and you should just think, are these good thoughts and are they making you happy, if no, change them.

I think the main thing we all need to learn to do is to not depend on others to feel worth something, you don’t need someone else to tell you on an everyday basis that your perfect the way you are because you can do that yourself, if you love your outfit, complement yourself, the only person in this world that needs to accept you is YOU, no one else, you’ll never truly accept and love yourself until you do.

All these tips are definitely a lot easier said than done and there are definitely days where I need that kick up the bum to accept myself, if your ever having a down day, I’ve put together some tips that I’ve learnt from experience that may help:

  1. GET GLAM: Something I love to do when I’m feeling down and not loving myself is to either, have a really good pamper, a face mask the lot or to just get glam, do your makeup, hair and put on an outfit that makes you feel sexy, you don’t need to go anywhere but as long as this gives you that confidence boost you need, whats the harm?

  2. WRITE IT DOWN: Something I tend to do when I’m feeling down is to write it down, this helps to release stress and getting it down on paper can make you feel a lot clearer and sometimes that’s all you need, reassure yourself, make sure you remember that things get better and you can accept and love yourself, if you can do it once, what’s stopping you from doing it again.

  3. TAKE A BREAK FROM SOCIAL’S: Trust me, it will help, simply having a break from social media can give you the head space that you need instead of constantly focusing on the negatives and the questioning whether your good enough. Social media is a dangerous place so be careful but don’t let anyone put you down.

  4. TURN THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS INTO POSITIVES: Are you sitting there feeling self-conscious and need some TLC? Treat yourself to that dress you’ve had your eye on for a while, turning those negative thoughts into positives is probably the most important thing you can do, don’t dwell on the negatives, brighten up your life with the positives.

I hope this post is somewhat helpful and I hope you enjoyed this roller coaster of a post, it’s something I find really hard to talk about and making it into a positive and knowing this can be helpful to others, makes me happy. What do you do when you need some TLC to make yourself happy? I’d love to know, let me know in the comments, Thank you so much for reading x



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7 thoughts on “A Journey to Accepting and Growing to Love Myself (Eating Disorder Story)

  1. This might sounds stupid, but this post genuinly brought me to tears. I’ve struggled with self love all my life and I think it is down to two things: 1. I care too much about what other people think of me, and 2. It makes me insecure like hell to be 20 (going on 21) and never had a boyfriend or a first kiss etc. It makes me feel as if nobody wants me and boys don’t even look my way. I look in the mirror every day and want to cry at what I see. I want to do anything to improve myself and to accept the way I am, but it’s hard. I’ve been having a massive down lately and I hope I can get back up. Thank you for these tips, I’m going to give these all a try!

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    1. This comment made me so emotional as this was my aim, I wanted to help people! You are by far so beautiful and you shouldn’t feel anything less. Caring too much about what people think is something I struggle with so much and it really does affect my self image on myself. You definitely shouldn’t feel insecure, having a boyfriend doesn’t define you as a person, rock the single life and the right one will come to you, I promise!! One thing you should do whenever your looking in that mirror and thinking those thoughts is ask yourself one thing you like about yourself and do that everyday, finding what you love about yourself is way more important than anyone else’s perception of you! If you feel down, you can always talk to me and your very welcome, I really really hope they help xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is so, so easy to compare yourself to other people, and it is difficult not to. But like you said, turn those negative thoughts into positives! I struggled with bulimia as a teen, and into my twenties, and it wasn’t until I turned my mindset around that I started to get better! A positive mindset is so important.

    Liked by 1 person

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